The showdown no-one needed, asked for, or expected. A deep dive on the cultural significance and historical basis of 'girl' and 'boy' based monikers as they relate to patriarchally constructed interactions.
First, a note on 'girlies'.
You may have heard of 'girl math', 'girlboss', even the traditional 'girls'; these are all considerably different. Let me explain.
1. Girls
People who identify as women and are children or under 18 (ish) years old or, a term of endearment for a friend (originating from black drag culture). Simple..? Almost.
'Girls' is sometimes used when only women are in a group. If the context is appropriate and the person would or is using 'boys' for a comparable group of men, no harm done. See: Love Island and hen nights.
When 'girls' is pitched as the equal of 'guys' as soon as there are no men in the group, a feminist fairy dies. This is the graveyard of gender equity in the English lexicon.
Using 'guys' (historically a term just for men) to denote a group of men and women together, and a group of men only, but not a group of women only, reinforces the 'male as norm' premise that women are appendages to men; entirely dominated the instant a man is present.
When 'girls' is used as the companion to 'guys' it infantilises women. The options are infancy or appendage. Great.
If you want to avoid this, try using 'women' and 'men' or 'girls' and 'boys' if everyone identifies according to the gender binary. Try using 'guys' for a group of women only, or even try using 'folks' for any group of anyone.
2. Girlboss
Icky. Girlboss is icky. This is the height of feminising by infantilisation a profession or professional attribute. Think 'woman pilot' or 'female surgeon' with added disempowerment by toddler adjacency.
Girlboss branding was full of faux power in the public commercial sphere and engorged marketing towards said 'girlbosses' that in order to wield such supposed power they needed 'this lipstick', 'these shoes', and 'this domestic decor' as she was presumably still managing the home.
It was a neo-liberal tirade of individualism, competition, and the false promise of autonomy for women who tried hard enough, without any actual challenge to the gendered pillars of capitalism: patriarchy and VAWG (violence against women and girls).
Ultimately, 'girlboss' was capitalism dressing up in the fashion of 1st wave feminism.
3. Girl math
**Note: as girl math is a methodology it can be done by anyone of any gender but is overwhelmingly female focussed and will be discussed in terms of women due to the patriarchal significance.**
In direct contract to 'girlboss', 'girl math' is an example of community, collective culture, and intelligent communication.
The premise of 'girl math' illustrates the cognitive hoops women have historically jumped through to justify buying themselves 'a little treat'. These treats are often more expensive than a standard treat but never completely out of the bounds of reality.
That, fittingly, is 'boy math'. Spending with no consideration of the resources available or the repercussions of said purchase. See: the banks and bankers causing the 2008 financial crash. Classic boy math.
Girl math is more like "I want to buy this really special and important book that I love and is a special edition, I could buy a cheaper version but this is beautiful and I love the story and have done for years."
"Well, if you've loved it that for long then you'll read it multiple times so divide the cost by 4. If it's beautiful it's also decor so minus an appropriate amount, and if it's that special then it's an heirloom so by this point you're saving money by not buying more books to read, decor, and heirlooms."
It's whimsy, it's not totally accurate, it's not supposed to be but, it's rooted in real considerations.
The women doing girl math with each other haven't long had significant personal disposable income, by generational standards. So, co-enabling purchases which aren't enmeshed in other people's needs, especially when the purchase cost is large, is community.
Girl math is a mechanism of collective liberation from the epigenetical psychological binds of sexism.
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A brief stop in money and gender in the UK.
In 1922 women no longer had to give up any property they owned to their husbands when they married.
In 1970 the Equal Pay Act supposedly made the same work pay the same money to women and men. In practice, this wasn't regulated and similar jobs were given different categorisation to circumnavigate the law.
In 1975 it became illegal to sack a woman for becoming pregnant. In reality, pregnant people's rights are still often eroded until they are constructively dismissed or have to resign due to health issues and can't access resources or support to afford employment tribunals.
In 1975 women could now open bank accounts in their own name.
In 1982 it became illegal to refuse a woman service when buying a drink in a pub in England, just because she was a woman.
In 1990 women were now taxed independently from their husbands.
In 2023 the gender pay gap was 14.3%. It's worth adding that this doesn't measure the additional labour expected of women to care for young, old, and disabled family members i.e. the gender labour gap.
Women continue to experience unfairness in pension payments.
WASPI continue to seek justice for 1950's women robbed of a significant proportion of their pensions.
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Girl math applies multiple sophisticated economics concepts. The example I gave above uses cost-per-use to determine 'willingness to pay' in order to deduce whether there is a positive value i.e. 'consumer surplus', between the willingness and cost and therefore the purchase be 'worth it'.
Girl math also applies the concept of 'sunk cost' by positing that 'cash is free'. Once you've withdrawn cash from your account and recorded that in your financial planning, you can do what you like with it. It's already accounted for whatever it buys.
The same applies to prepaid cards or apps. Once you've accounted for the payment out of your bank account and into the app, when you actually spend it on a treat it's effectively free.
There are more examples of this nuanced approach to spending which actually hinges on girl math aficionados being pragmatic and having insight into the wider context of their spend, financially and culturally.
Girl math sits in the same plane as gossip; tools of community survival. Gossip saves lives by, amongst other methods, sharing the dealings of everyone in the tribe and hence noticing or calculating threats from far enough away that they can be avoided or prepared for.
Where gossip may have once centred its protective focus on crops or the weather, it now helps us share which men are dangerous, which are enablers, and which will abandon you when you need help.
Girl math is the latest in a long line of women subverting male dominated stylings. See also: girl dinner.
4. Girlies
This bring us to 'girlies'. Arguably the only possible ultimate progression of Shania Twain's proclamation on feeling like a woman. The major development of 'girlies' as an identity label is that it encompasses anyone who gives off 'girlie energy' regardless of their gender.
Girlies is a term of endearment full of joy, tenderness, collective support, acceptance, and often some element of subversion by any means.
For example, 'cinema girls' is a group of children or women who go to the cinema together. 'Cinema girlies' is a group who go to the cinema together and make a treat based event of it e.g. by getting dressed up or making notes and presenting reviews or getting a new drink each time.
The subversion in this case is all the extra bits attached to the group trip to the cinema, especially those which are otherwise deemed 'odd' or 'a bit extra'. (There is likely an AuDHD correlation to 'girlie-hood'.)
A girlie is anyone who, in whichever context applies to them, does or is something in a 'girlie' way, as above. The gendered foundation of 'girlies' is the celebration of historically vilified feminine traits, behaviours, styles, or interests.
So, there is no requirement for there to be a girl or woman in a group to make it a group of girlies however, it is common for a group of girlies to have at least some lived experience under sexist patriarchy in order to be truly celebratory of the feminine, and then extend out often via queerness.
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This brings us to 'boys' and 'bros'.
'Boys' can be used for:
People who identify as male and are children or under 18 (ish)
Groups of men à la Love Island or stag nights
All fine.
'Boyboss' doesn't exist. It doesn't have to.
'Boy math', as mentioned earlier, is a failing of the basic financial tenets of consideration and realism, blundering around making short-term profits until everything goes to pot and someone else cleans up.
Girl math and boy math are both methodologies so anyone can do either but there is certainly a trend along gendered socialisation lines.
There can be tenderness in 'boys' e.g. Noise Boys. However, the opposite is also true e.g. Proud Boys.
'Bro' can be used as a term of endearment for a friend and be altered to add more nuance to the friendship e.g. 'broski'. So far so benign.
However, 'bros', when used for a group, almost always denotes a certain vibe, one which is ultimately individualistic, competitive, and misogynistic.
Bros are machismic. They have no regard for nature. Bros chopped down the Sycamore Gap tree. Other bros are destroying the planet and eroding social welfare by hoarding, excluding, violence, and worship of sexism and racism. See: Tech/crypto bros, finance bros, gym bros, and incels.
Bros are the epitome of the diametric vibe of girlies.
This isn't to say that a man couldn't function in tech, finance, the gym or any other classic bro arena without being a bro but, whilst the bro effect is still growing it's a bit of a red flag if they aren't at least put off by the bros themselves or by being associated with or presumed to be a bro.
One of the first signs of a man being radicalised into alt-right bro-hood is when he starts saying 'females' instead of 'women'. Keep your eyes peeled for those red flags, girlies.
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So, why the moon and sun?
The connection between women, girlies and the moon is long recorded. From the suspicious correlation of the lunar cycle and menstrual cycle, through the association of witches with the moon, to the general vibe of the moon as the girlie of the sky.
Moon girlies talk to the moon as one would a friend, lover, mother, diary. The full moon, though reliable, predictable and even planned around, is always a somatic surprise and utter joy.
Our camera reels are full of urgent, sketchy photos of the moon which mean so much more to ourselves than the grainy, blurry, over-zoomed-in image could ever convey to any non-moon-girlie.
Here's one of mine.
This is actually one of my best, I'm very pleased with it.
The moon doesn't need us to have the best image capturing technology. She knows her worth and she knows we know how absolutely stunning she is. She knows that each photo is more like a diary entry.
"It's not totally accurate, it's not supposed to be."
The sun, on the other hand, is thematically a boy. Not quite a bro himself, but definitely boy; a bit too bright, bit too loud, bit too harsh, but crucial for life itself. Like the best boys we know, the sun is intrusive but has its moments of warmth and sustenance.
Remember, boys and men by bodily definition can still be more 'girlie' than 'boy' or 'bro' in vibe and presentation.
If you've followed everything so far you will already be calculating the extrapolation for sun bros.
Sun bros are those who exhibit the worst of the attributes of the sun by taking it all too far, and who aren't otherwise categorisable in a classic bro arena.
Sun bros are completely too loud, too harsh, dominating, ego-centric, and not at all well meaning. They're not quite the misogynists that incels are but they certainly disregard women.
Sun bros are brash and don't listen. Sun bros mansplain anything and everything. Sun bros are tactless and have no taste for public decorum. Sun bros (and most other categorised bros) throw cups of drink at music festivals.
"It's fine, the sun's out, you'll dry."
Eurgh.
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So, I expect you've gathered my criteria for this show down by now.
Contribution to the collective wellbeing
Vulnerable authenticity
Joy
On every measure the moon girlies have it.
For any boys or bros (derogatory) reading this, please accept this as my manifesto on the matter and consider joining us in the ranks of boys who are tender and full blown girlies. It's really lovely over here.
Finally, a note on nature.
Many people think that matriarchy is the opposite of patriarchy in that everything is the same but women are in charge. This is incorrect. Matriarchies are rooted in the 3 criteria above, nowhere is this demonstrated more so than in communities of bonobos.
Humans share 99% of our DNA with bonobos (matching chimps) but they've only been studied properly since 1990. Female bonobos form extremely strong bonds inside and, importantly, outside of their direct family line so they aren't subjected to the sexual violence seen in chimps and humans.
In fact, female bonobos are collectively physically and socially violent towards male bonobos when they are aggressive or attempt to assert dominance over the community to individually gain food.
In contrast, when groups of bonobos come across each other in the wild the leading female bonobos will share information and have sex with their counterparts from the other group. The rest will meet, relax, and play.
So, get out your bonobo bum and be more girlie!
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